Life
Who there out there has a tween who thinks they know everything about the dreaded S.E.X.? I’m raising my hand, high. Me, me, me, call on me.
Who out there has discovered the beauty of the e-reader because you can shut down the screen in less then a second when said kid looks over your shoulder or sits down next to you and you’re reading a smex scene? My hand’s still up there. Me, me, me, please call on me. Even my books falls into this category.
Who has a secret shelf on the top or back of a closet where you hide those drool-worthy book covers and how to sex books from prying eyes? Still me.
And who turns off the radio your kid is listening to when a song with blatantly sexual lyrics come on–Rihanna’s S&M anyone (“Sex in the Air, I don’t care, I love the smell of it, sticks and stones may break my bones but whips and chains excite me”)? Yep, my hands starting to get sore from all the waving.
Trying to balance sex in adult culture (which I enjoy and write about) with parenting younger kids is O.M.G. And its not always so obvious. My kid loved Flo Rida “Whistle Baby,” and thank goodness it went right over her head because it took me awhile to actually hear the lyrics. If you haven’t, you can read them here Whoa, just Whoa. That really put suggestive book covers in perspective.
I talked to my kid early about sex–when she turned nine. Research I did recommended that one of the best times to start
is at eight because they haven’t descended into giggly, embarrased mode yet. In truth, she had actually stumbled over it on a play date a year or so earlier. Her friend had found her parents sex books on that top shelf and shared them.
Now my kid feels pretty comfortable coming to me and asking questions which is exactly what I want–to have a safe place for her to talk about it and to influence how she interprets the info she does gather. How to answer them honestly but vaguely presents another challenge of my parenting life but for me, the openness is everything. Because I can’t control what she gets outside the house, where she spends most of her time when you add it all up . At least now I have a handle on her knowledge, an open channel of communication and an ereader that shuts down in a blink.
But man this remains sooooo hard. How do you all handle it? Any tricks for dealing with sex questions and the budding awareness of tweens and teen wannabes?
Nice…..
Sent from my iPhone
Thanks.
OMG, my hand is losing feeling in it from being up in the air so long, too. LOL. I even got worked up over Beyonce’s half-time show because I was snuggled up on the couch with both of my kids when that spectacle came on. DUDE. WHY? I mean, she has so much talent that she could have just stood up there and opened her mouth to stun everyone. But the sex-dripping outfits, hip thrusting, and fuck-me looks were – OMG – COMPLETELY inappropriate for a family sporting event. Save all that for concerts where people know what they’re getting.
Ok, end of rant.
Great post. One good way to think of this is that we’re probably more comfortable with sex and talking about it with our kids than some other parents, and like you said, that can only be healthy for kids.
Thanks Misty and rant away. That is what this post was about at some level. No matter how hard we try, our kids our going to be exposed to from left field, so better to be prepared in the only we can–open communication. Yes, dealing with sex in writing makes it easier to have “those” conversations although it in no way makes them easy.
I agree–talking with kids in a matter-of-fact way. Helping them have the confidence to deal with this and every other tough subject the world throws at them. Model your values, like not judging others by their looks or their outfits, but rather by their character. Talk about everything important before you have to. Do what you can to make their lives full of interesting things–art, literature, fun and games and wholesome adventures–so that they’re not looking for all the answers in sex or trying to find the key to happiness by looking outside of themselves to one other person. Kids get bombarded by companies using sex to sell everything from shampoo to puppy chow. I have known mothers who live vicariously through their daughters, dressing up their little girls like exotic dancers or pushing them shamelessly at little boys. It is hard when our society is really so shallow and chauvinistic and sex-oriented. Oops. Didn’t meant to get carried away! That’s my two bucks’ worth.
And worth every penny of the two bucks. And so true–the intertwining of sex and body image, especially for girls, is one of the hardest things to protect our kids from. Having a healthy approach to body image and sex are keys to a happy life, and what irony that most of the stuff that comes into our homes seems organized to undermine both of those at every turn. Even worse,its not all fiction. Good thing there is so much other richness out there.